Should I Pay My Taxes?
Dear VTY women,
I write from my new favorite place to escape my house in Bishop Arts: Berkley’s Market. It is a cute, local coffee shop-bistro that also doubles as a healthy grocery store. It is oh-so darling with black and white striped awnings and umbrellas for the back patio. With an added bonus of free wifi and a good music playlist. It is cute and put together.
Anyways, that's not what is important. What’s important is that I am about to embark on month 4 of being unemployed (aside from minimal social media job and selling art), 1 month of living with my very loud, very sweet, and very intense fiance, and having to pay a large sum of taxes as I- apparently refused to withhold my federal income tax for the entire year of 2023.
The combined pressure of these factors has forced me to schedule my first therapy appointment in Dallas for the pretty penny of $170. Hopefully, she will be able to help me navigate my complete abandonment of my support system over the past four years and help improve my self-esteem so that I can present the best version of myself in this job search.
Oh, and did I mention I am supposed to be planning a wedding? Yeah, guys, I am feeling overwhelmed, but in a cool way. Like the pressure really isn't helping me get anything done way but rather like the super cool procrastination way. It's super cool. And I don’t want any help because I am so particular.
Anyways back to business. I am living in Dallas, which feels exciting and underwhelming all at the same time. I think it’s because it feels so familiar, but I know there are places I have not yet explored. I am desperately yearning for a schedule that I can adapt to, but due to other circumstances, if it feels unattainable right now.
One of those circumstances includes a visit to LA this weekend for another Phorin art-immersive pop-up, which I am relatively excited about as I have not spent much time on the West Coast. So, I am taking any LA recommendations. I hope that it is fun with little to no meltdowns from either Reed or me, which will require coffee and macro-bars.
All that chaos to say, life is good, and there is hope for future plans and projects. And I will soon enough be busy and bustling with making things and planning everything. I will adapt to the Dallas way of living and be fully engulfed in the day-to-day excitement that is waiting for me here. I know all I have to do is reach out and ask for what I want. The universe will find a way to provide me with the opportunities I want. The first thing on the list (after finding a job) will be finding a group of girls I connect with and do little silly activities with. The next is a cosmetic procedure, so I will fit in better here.
Wish me luck at my appointment! I know it will be good and feed the parts of me that have not seen the light of day in weeks.
I miss you all so much and feel inspired by each of you daily!
Very truly,
Grace
Dear Grace,
We’ve got to get you a job. Also, please come to my house this week and figure out how to use our kiln. How was LA??
I’m excited for you to start your therapy journey. Just remeber therapy is kind of like dating -- and if this girl doesn’t work for you it doesn’t mean its all evil. I remember after my first ever therapy session I slept for 12 hours. I was mentally drained. I was used to thinking too much (anxious) but I never had to push my thoughts the extra mile and figure out what was distorting the way I though about reality.
Good stuff.
The wedding will get planned. It will be fabulous. If all else fails, you can go to the courthouse and then have a huge celebration later. I know you are particular but have you considered a planner? I will start making a spreadsheet.
Also -- what kind of cosmetic procedure are you after? I can get some recs.
There is a lot to do in Dallas, I promise it’s fun. I need to explore more too, so let’s get out!!!
Personally, I’ve decided I needed a hobby with my hands to stop my incessant doom scrolling and soothe my ever anxious thoughts. I’ve picked up needlepoint, which is exceptionally old lady of me, but I can’t wait to send you all little ornaments I’ll craft for you.
Love and miss you all. Anxiously counting down the days to our camping trip.
Very truly yours,
Julianne
Dear Grace and Julianne,
First things first: You have a kiln, Julianne?
Okay now that that’s out of the way. Yeah Grace it is time to get you employed!! Have you looked into any gallery’s or studios near you that might need a manager or an assistant? Or maybe there’s a local art collective or something you can join to pass some time while you job hunt and you can get to know some more artists in the area and form some connections.
Also therapy is amazing- expensive and scary at first but I think it will be so nice to have someone objective you can go to with life’s stressors. Just setting aside time to acknowledge and vocalize your feelings in a judgement free zone is so healthy!
On the topic of LA: I dislike it. But I hope the Phorin event went well! I loved coming to the one in NY. I especially loved the glaze you used on the balloon ceramics you did for the LA pop up. So cool!!
I think once you get settled in you are absolutely going to love Dallas and everything it has to offer. The in-between time of adjusting to change always sucks and feels so disorienting. You also have incredible taste to the wedding will get planned and it will be fabulous!!!! We are all here to offer support.
I miss you both and am excited to see y’all when I come to Dallas in June :)
Very Truly Yours,
Avery
Dear Grace, Avery & Julianne;
Everything I read I feel as though I forget a second after. Think think think. Overwhelm! I am also feeling overwhelmed this week. It’s as though some integral part of my mind shifted a millimeter and I suddenly feel cornered by the future—where is there to go? I am afraid that the only way I will be able to achieve the life that I want—one marked by space, love and travel—is if I go back to school and get a masters in Data Analysis. Spelling it out like this sounds ridiculous, but my mind truly believes it's the only way. I want to be remote and I want to make more than 50k a year (I don’t even make 50k now, by the way).
Things are flat and sharp right now, I am cold and overheated at the same time. Even my body is afraid. I don’t want to watch anything or connect to the minutiae of the world, which confuses me, because I believe the mundane specificity of our lives is the most profound. I think I am just wary of distraction. I want things to feel essential, even if they hurt, but I don’t like the idea that I must do anything with the essential. I want to exist. That is all. But that is so hard here. The world has made me want so many things and I cannot have them—at least not without the slog. I so want to abandon myself, but I feel as though that would be a betrayal—to whom yet, I haven’t decided.
Very truly yours,
Mackenzie