We have to stan, I fear!! (No really I am fearful!!)
This past week I have been ruminating a lot on stan culture, brought on by my discovery of none other than the new, mega-serve girl-group Katseye. For those who are still living under a rock, Katseye is a new international girl group combining K-pop training methods and visual aesthetics with more traditional pop music to form a group that will probably make my Spotify-wrapped.
After watching the Netflix special about the group's formation I emerged with two takeaways: Katseye EATS, and people who leave hate comments on social media are losers. Period! Watch the show for more context, but a big portion of the show was dedicated to tracking online fan engagement to help decide who had the “it factor.” These girls didn't know beforehand that this was a part of the show. They were encouraged to pander to online audiences, grappling to raise their popularity ranking to avoid being cut. Trolls, of course, emerged, with no-profile-pic haters talking about the girls' physical appearances, personalities, and skill levels.
While some fans managed to be normal, as with most fandoms, the same die-hards that were riding for some of the girls were the first ones to tell the others to kill themselves!! This is normal in stan culture. Notably, the girl's therapist reminds them they can’t put stock in any of it: the online love or the hate. When releasing yourself from people’s negative opinions of you, you also have to free yourself from the effect that their praise has. None of what anyone random online has to say about you bears weight on your identity…in an ideal world. Realistically, full release is unlikely. Even when the brain knows haters are probably just sad and ugly in spirit, the damage remains and the hype from friends and strangers alike still feel euphoric.
This also ties into my thoughts on parasocial relationships with celebs in general. Chappell Roan made headlines last week for blatantly calling her most obsessive fans freaks, and of course, people with zero-critical thinking skills were like “Girl you just got here,” and “She doesn't have what it takes to be a celeb”... excuse me?? People will be grateful for their fan base of course… but they don't know you! Y’all ain’t in the same tax bracket babes! Most stans who get invested are either young, impressionable teens going through puberty or adults who I feel are usually just lacking social stimulation in their own lives, and this is what leaves the gap for parasocial relationships to form. It’s not healthy, but so many people are so crippled by online addiction and co-dependence I am not sure how to help the situation. Do we need more free clubs and third-spaces for adults to help get these people out of the house?
Basically what I’m trying to say is: If you have enough time in your day to leave comments talking about a stranger’s face, body, or skill level on the internet you are categorically LAME. “You suck.” Okay??? Go touch some grass loser!! Read a book!!
Anyway, stream Touch by Katseye because it’s GAS.
Love, Avery
Also, no hate to girls who had parasocial relationships with One Direction. I too was dreaming of being sold to Harry to pay my family's debts.
Dear Avery,
I’m reminded of the moment when my dad retired and gave my brother and I permission to skip his Blackberry across the lake like a stone. I saw that technology as a chain. Instead of a conduit to connection, it was a tether to a world that didn’t really exist (in my 7 year old brain). I think we should all skip our phones across a lake.
As a reformed chronically online person, I’m proud to announce that the most parasocial relationship I have right now is my relationship with Grace’s dog. In my brain we’re friends but he is still nervous around me. We’ll get there.
Maybe our perception of influencers is actually nothing new? It’s just celebrity rebranded. For example, before there was Wishbone Kitchen there was Ina Garten. And my mother has every single one of her cookbooks. How is that different from subscribing to someone’s substack?
I’m also probably biased because if there was one person I would stan it’s Beyonce and she doesn’t talk to us anymore. Who could blame her! If I had an endless supply of money and creative energy, I wouldn’t speak to the plebs either.
I agree with Avery. Go touch grass and get back to me.
Very Truly Yours,
Julianne
Dear VTY women,
I totally agree with Avery that Katseye is amazing!! The cutesy choreo and vocals are so sticky in my brain. I also agree that being a hater is lame and seems to be a thing of the past in terms of social currency (now that being a girls girl is in vogue again). This shift is hard for those of us who are naturally predisposed to be haters - I’m an ENFJ and judgment of myself and others is pretty much constantly part of my internal dialogue.
Avery, you bring up an interesting point about parasocial relationships and people feeling like they own or are entitled to the celebrities they support. While I don’t have this on a large level with any celebrity, I feel para social relationships with some influencers, especially microinfluencers, because I can more easily see myself in their shoes or running in their circles.. Admittedly, I get a rush when a tik tok creator likes my comment on their post.
I think there’s an interesting conversation to be had about perfectionism as a lever in parasocial interactions and our broader culture of celebrity worship. Some celebrities are valued because of their perceived perfection (ala kpop idols), while others are beloved because they make a show of their imperfections (ala emma chamberlain, brittany broski). The pursuit of perfection seems to open people up to more hate from fans, as being normal or relatable is not part of the brand. Perfectionism is also interesting in the context of womanhood as in many ways women are expected to be perfect while at the same time the success of women is seen as a threat making the pursuit of perfection a delicate tight rope walk.
Would love to hear what you all think. Do celebrities and influencers invite us to view, comment, and judge them just by pursuing an online presence? And by that measure are we offering ourselves up with vulnerability by attaching our names to this blog?
Very truly yours,
Sydney
Dear Julianne,
We all should skip our phones across the lake! I say that I wish I could do that but not my life revolves around my phone. The business that I work for is focused on getting our product out in the market specifically through social media, specifically through tiktok. So now I spend like 80% of my time at work thinking not only about stain remover and laundry detergent but how to optimize tiktok shop. And it is definetly giving me the ick.
Imagine ur scrolling on tiktok and see me on live rubbing raspberries on myself and then dosing my self in non-toxic stain remover. Feels like I am having to sell my body in my skinnies!
In relation to stan culture, I think of cancel culture all the time now. I wonder what it was like in the 80s to just be yourself and not have to be paranoid about something you did when you were a child! Or just simply didn’t know the correct way. Sometimes I just wonder, what is the point of making comments about things on the internet? Does it really change people?
So many thoughts. Not enough capacity to explain it.
Grace McCraw
